If life were a mix tape...

...my mix would be all about the past two years.

Today i drove to the house of the lady that pretty much ruined my church life. It's hard to forget the cruel things people do to you. Even the nicest people can sucker punch you in the gut occasionally. People tell you forgive and forget... but that's easy to say, but so hard to do. I've done some pretty awful things to people, and when its all said and done i really hope they forgive me. The chances of that are pretty slim though. I forgive pretty easily. I don't really hold grudges, and i don't really get mad that often. I don't actually know how to stick up for myself most of the time. That's one thing I'm really trying to work on... sticking up for myself. It's healthy to get mad. I mean, Jesus got mad. I want to get mad... I want to get mad at that lady. I almost got out of the car and walked up to her door, but for some reason i couldn't do it.
I hold back my anger in fear that if i let it out I wont stop being angry. I mean, i see what anger does to people... and i don't want that to happen to me. Not exactly anger, but stubbornness. I've seen multiple relationships end because of stubbornness. Its such a relationship end-er that its even on the divorce papers. The papers don't say "stubbornness"... but isn't that what "irreconcilable differences" means? Not being able to get off your high horse and work something out.

The word of the day is stubborn. Websters defines "stubborn" as " unreasonably or perversely unyielding ". Everyone is a little stubborn. To me, stubborn is just another way to say selfish. I mean, sometimes i think its good to be stubborn. If someone offers drugs to you, i really think you should stubbornly deny them. If someone wants to work things out in a friendship... i really don't think you should be stubborn. I mean, it all depends on the situation. Stubbornness causes people to NOT do things that they fear. Stubbornness will cause you to sit in a car instead of walking towards a door to fix a friendship. I think its time to stop being so stubborn...

... it's time to get out of the car and walk towards the front door.

Jane