You are...

...My Person.

It's official... I'm obsessed with Grey's Anatomy! My sister got season two on DVD and I have already watched 11 episodes. I just love that show so much.

So today I did something really dorky... I made a packing list for college. I know college starts in August, but I am so ready to be there now. I'm over this high school thing. I'm ready for it to end!!

I love way too much. That's my problem. I love people way to much. I just need to stop having friends. ha ha!

Jane

HAPPY BIRTHDAY...

EMILY!

It's my little sisters 17th birthday today! We are going to Phuket (poo-ket) for dinner tonight, and then we are going to see the play "Oklahoma" and Grissom tonight! I'm super excited, and glad to have such a wonderful sister like Emily!

Sickness...

...has taken over my body!

I'm sick like a dog! I've got a runny nose, a fever, and my cough is really pain full. Yet, I still went to school.... not on my own will!

It's times like these where i just want to fly to Europe and hang out with my friend Amanda. Just sit there and talk about life, god, and the future. We would eat cheesecake and drink hot chocolate. We would watch romantic comedies and cry at the stupid sappy parts.

I need a girls night.

Fly home Amanda....

-Jane

Amanda driving

Home...

I wanna go home, I've got to go home.

Graduation is like 50 days away... and I can't wait. One chapter of my life is closing and another chapter is opening. I really hate high school. Senior year was by far the best year though. It really sucks that i am making friends my own age at the end of my senior year. I tried my hardest to not make saying good bye too hard. But i know that it is going to be hard to say goodbye to my sister and friends. I don't know if I am ready to leave yet. I mean, I just got use to Huntsville.

My prayer life isn't as good as I want it to be... I'm trying father.

I couldn't ever leave you...

Jane

What Goes Around...

...Comes all the way back around


I just love that song! Justin Timberlake did a pretty awesome job on that CD!

So Winterfest was amazing! It snowed a lot and i played in the snow a lot! It was so nice to have a break with my best friends! We stayed in a super nice Chalet in Pigeon Forge! It was pretty incredible! It snowed so much Saturday night that we couldn't go to Sunday morning Winterfest! But I did get some awesome pictures.
This is Louisa and I in the grossest restaurant ever! It was super smokey and as you can tell from the tattoos on the waiter in the back... the service was awesome.

This is Louisa, Rieder, and Me eating the best food item ever... a super long corn dog. You really can't go to Gaitlinburg with out getting one of these things.




This is me in the snow. This is by far the best snow I have ever been in. So there is this little village place in the middle of Gaitlinburg that has the cute little cafe that serves the best cider ever!!! So after Louisa, Jamie, Carter, Tyler, Luke, and I went to this cafe we walked up this hill and we had the best snow ball fight ever. Then we walked up the hill just a little more and ran into a beautiful cemetery. The cemetery was covered in this thick blanket of white snow. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.
Over all it was a pretty incredible weekend. It was just what I needed. Not much of a spiritual boost, but more of a life boost. I really needed a life boost...

Jane

How do you pack for a new adventure?

So on Friday I am leaving for Winterfest with Mayfair. I'll admit... I'm nervous. I'm not use to Mayfair yet, but i love it. I'm excited and worried at the same time. What if its different? Its a trip with people that I'm not super close to. I mean i have my 4 friends, Jamie, Britney, Louisa, and Rieder.... but that's about it. I just don't want to be left out. I'm so use to being in a youth group with people that know me and my faith. I have to start all over on this new spiritual adventure.... but i know god has something awesome in store for me. This whole changing church thing has been a great yet stressful experience. I am so glad to have Mayfair, but i still miss my good friends at Central. I just can't be at a place that doesn't believe in what I can accomplish. Central wasn't uplifting my faith.... Mayfair is. I know this is what God wants for me... and i know its the best thing for me. I mean... I finally know my way around that building, I can't leave it. Honestly, I don't think i will ever be able to go back to Central as a member. You know... I didn't get one call when i left... not one. I felt like I was un-wanted. There is a point when you have to decide what is best for your relationship with God... and at Central I wasn't worshiping God anymore, I was worrying. At Mayfair I feel free to worship, and that is an amazing feeling.


So today was a pretty sad day. It's hard walking down the halls and seeing people with their bears and chocolate. It's been a while since i have had a valentine. I mean, I love being single... don't get me wrong. Freedom is nice. But for once... I would like to get a bear, or chocolates... or even better roses. I think I'm ready for a relationship... but I'm not sure who. Relationships are super serious things to me... I don't play around. Ugh... I wish it would be Saint Patricks day already. I'm sick of this love junk.

Jane

SAD..

aka Single Awareness Day.

Valentines day... my least favorite holiday ever! I'm not bitter, i think i will enjoy having no date this Wednesday... but it would be nice to have a guy to cuddle with. It's been pretty lonely lately. I think its been so lonely because V-day is coming up. I see all the commercials and i hear about all the plans couples have together and it makes me sad in a way. This V-Day i will be spending at home packing for Winterfest, and watching Casablanca alone.

Be mine...

nothing more

nothing less

Jane

TGIF!

I'm so glad it is Friday. This week has been really eye opening for me... I'm just glad it is over!

I'm so ready for college... wherever it may be. I stayed up all last night thinking of ways to get out of Huntsville. But with the lack of money, i don't get so far! haha!

Today we took our senior class panoramic. Every little senior thing we do makes my seniorits worse and worse. I wish those 66 days would just come and go. I'm ready to graduate and get out of high school. I'm ready for the next chapter of my life.

So tonight my inner child is coming out and i am going to go roll someones house. I'm really excited. The person that i am rolling will never know it is me... i cant wait to see the look on her face.

Its official... I'm a Mayfarian. I love it!!! yay!!! I feel at home again. I get announced this Sunday and i go to Winterfest next Friday!

God is good... all the time.
Jane

Dear Friend...

...I steal small things from my friends to keep memories of how much i love them. I burned what i stole from you. I don't know why I let you get to me that much, maybe because you were the first person I ever truly let in. All i really know is that you affected me, changed me. Don't be proud. I never said that it was for the better. Sometimes you made me feel worthless. I was there when you had nothing and nobody. It's bad enough i still have to keep finding pictures and letters, places we've been together, friends we've hung out with... this whole city. I cannot escape. I've been scared of what life has in store for me for a really long time. But this year, this year and I'm going to stare at it right in the face and bear it. Because unlike you, I have courage. I probably sound bitter, and well, yes, I am a little hurt. After all, you were my best friend and I thought that you knew I would always care about you and love you whoever you decided to be. You have your boyfriend, college, your whole life ahead of you. Of course, I have my life ahead of me too, but it was nice to always have someone to talk to, someone to trust.
I could always count on you, and part of me wishes I still could. You need to take things for granted and learn that you don’t and can’t get everything you want. I never told you this, but I had a framed picture of you on my shelf. It’s no longer there because I need to release myself from this situation and it killed me to take it down, but I had to do it.

Friend, I want you to know that although we don’t talk anymore, I still love you. No matter how much you distance yourself from me I will always be there for you if you need me. We’ve gone through too much together for me not to do that for you. I know that one day you’ll have a wonderful career and be a beautiful wife and mother (despite how much you don't want to be one). Deep down you are a good person... just remember that. You will always be in my prayers.

I hope all is well

Me

Denial...

... can hit you at any moment.

I love taking showers. I know, odd subject... but i really love taking showers. In the shower I review my day, and i think about the past. Today I cried in the shower. I felt this overwhelming urge to let everything out that i have been feeling lately... and so i sat down in the shower and cried. Through the tears it finally hit me... I'm everything i hated. I'm the person that i use to scold. So tonight i am doing everything i can to mend broken relationships.

Casey Allison and I met today at her house to talk about "stuff". Casey is more than a friend, shes like a therapist to me. We have a very odd friendship. Mostly i just play with her baby while she tells me that I'm not a good enough christian. Which never makes me mad... because in my heart i know she is right. I don't drink, smoke, rarely cuss... but I'm not glorifying god. I read the story of Abraham and Isaac yesterday, and boy did it hit home. I started thinking of what i worshiped above god... and then i realized.... nothing. I don't worship anything above god, i used to, but not anymore. I'm not worshiping god though. Part of me doesn't know how to just give up and worship. Pray for me on that.

The word of the day is... Forgive. Webster's defines forgive as, " to cease to feel resentment against". I have so many people to forgive... and i really hope these people forgive me. While at Casey's house today she asked me if i haven't forgiven the people that hurt me for what they did... then why do i still take Communion? Shes so right. The bible says to not even to take Communion if things are worked out between people. I should have stopped taking Communion in October. Tonight i am writing about six letters to all the people that i have hurt, and the people that have hurt me. I don't know when i will mail them... or even if i will mail them. But i promise you this... you wont see a little cup of juice in my hand Sundays until those letters are mailed.

Jane