... Boys are STUPID!
I'm just waiting for them all to grow up.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
It's hard...
deciding the outcome of your life.
Lately i have been second guessing myself on every important life decision I am making. For instance... College. For the past two years it has always been Harding. I love Harding, it is a
great place, with great people. I know everything about Harding. I know which club i want to be in, and the people i want to hang out with, what dorm i want to stay in (each year), and even what places i want to hang out at. It's not a surprise. I mean, i could work for the admissions people. And that is what turns me off about Harding. It isn't something new or surprising. Part of me just wants to go to a college far away where i don't know anyone, or anything about the school. I want to start new. Maybe I still can start new at Harding. Pray for me.
This weekend i went to Montgomery for a "We the people" constitution competition. Our school got second. If only i had studied a little more we could of gotten first.... Oh well. I know it sounds queer... but the competition was actually really cool. I got to go to the Alabama State house, capital building, and supreme court building. I got to meet the Alabama Chief Justice, and ask her questions. Which brings me to another thing in my life that is changing... my profession. For the past two years i have always wanted to do something related with world religions or the bible. But lately i can see myself being in politics or law. Harding doesn't offer law. I don't know... so confusing.
The word of the day is: Future. Websters' defines "future" as "Something that will happen in time to come". As a senior in high school, I think about the future non-stop. I'm a little scared about the future, yet excited. I know many people that try to run away from the future, and start trying to live their life in what i call "peter pan syndrome". Peter pan syndrome is when you try to stay a kid forever. Of course i never want that to happen to me, i want to grow up, i want responsibility. I just don't want it so fast. The future is really scary... and i don't know how i am going to handle it.
In the words of Sheryl Crow:
Live it up, like there's no time left Just like there's no tomorrow
No reason to worry, even if it isn't goin' our way Forget about tomorrow, because all we really have is today
Jane
Lately i have been second guessing myself on every important life decision I am making. For instance... College. For the past two years it has always been Harding. I love Harding, it is a
great place, with great people. I know everything about Harding. I know which club i want to be in, and the people i want to hang out with, what dorm i want to stay in (each year), and even what places i want to hang out at. It's not a surprise. I mean, i could work for the admissions people. And that is what turns me off about Harding. It isn't something new or surprising. Part of me just wants to go to a college far away where i don't know anyone, or anything about the school. I want to start new. Maybe I still can start new at Harding. Pray for me.This weekend i went to Montgomery for a "We the people" constitution competition. Our school got second. If only i had studied a little more we could of gotten first.... Oh well. I know it sounds queer... but the competition was actually really cool. I got to go to the Alabama State house, capital building, and supreme court building. I got to meet the Alabama Chief Justice, and ask her questions. Which brings me to another thing in my life that is changing... my profession. For the past two years i have always wanted to do something related with world religions or the bible. But lately i can see myself being in politics or law. Harding doesn't offer law. I don't know... so confusing.
The word of the day is: Future. Websters' defines "future" as "Something that will happen in time to come". As a senior in high school, I think about the future non-stop. I'm a little scared about the future, yet excited. I know many people that try to run away from the future, and start trying to live their life in what i call "peter pan syndrome". Peter pan syndrome is when you try to stay a kid forever. Of course i never want that to happen to me, i want to grow up, i want responsibility. I just don't want it so fast. The future is really scary... and i don't know how i am going to handle it.
In the words of Sheryl Crow:
Live it up, like there's no time left Just like there's no tomorrow
No reason to worry, even if it isn't goin' our way Forget about tomorrow, because all we really have is today
Jane
Saturday, January 20, 2007
She asked me why i think they didn't let me go...
... I blamed it all on them.
Today i went to my old youth ministers house to just chat. I ended up hearing exactly what i didn't want to hear. I know that sometimes people can misunderstand you, and i know that sometimes you hear things differently than they really are.... but I'm sick of people telling me that it was all a misunderstanding. It wasn't... i understood exactly what was happening, and what people were saying to me. I understood it all. For the last time people... I am not running away from you, i am running to something better.
Mayfair is one of the best places in the world. The people there are kind and generous, and you can tell they really love you. Central is an amazing church, with amazing people. They are both wonderful churches. But, when i pull into Centrals parking lot... I feel sick to my stomach. I know what has happened there, and i know that it isn't the right place for me. I have said "sorry" to everyone i had to. I have fixed all the bad things that happened. I did not run. I left. There is a huge difference. I am not afraid of that place, or those people. I just have experienced a place that is better for me. Why would i stay at a place where i felt uncomfortable? Mayfair is a better place for me. Hands down. I just wish people would support me in this. I wish the people at central would encourage me in my faith, not beg for me to come back to their church. I mean honestly... does it matter where i go to church at? NO! They should be glad that I am even going to church.
I love Jesus... and Jesus loves me. And my relationship with God was being hurt at central... because i wasn't worshiping him... I was too busy being worried. I feel so free at Mayfair. I feel so close to God.
Jane
Prayer Requests
Keep praying for Reggie
Keep praying for Casey and Chris
Pray for my missionary friends in Belgium
Pray for my brother because he just started his job as an EMT
Today i went to my old youth ministers house to just chat. I ended up hearing exactly what i didn't want to hear. I know that sometimes people can misunderstand you, and i know that sometimes you hear things differently than they really are.... but I'm sick of people telling me that it was all a misunderstanding. It wasn't... i understood exactly what was happening, and what people were saying to me. I understood it all. For the last time people... I am not running away from you, i am running to something better.
Mayfair is one of the best places in the world. The people there are kind and generous, and you can tell they really love you. Central is an amazing church, with amazing people. They are both wonderful churches. But, when i pull into Centrals parking lot... I feel sick to my stomach. I know what has happened there, and i know that it isn't the right place for me. I have said "sorry" to everyone i had to. I have fixed all the bad things that happened. I did not run. I left. There is a huge difference. I am not afraid of that place, or those people. I just have experienced a place that is better for me. Why would i stay at a place where i felt uncomfortable? Mayfair is a better place for me. Hands down. I just wish people would support me in this. I wish the people at central would encourage me in my faith, not beg for me to come back to their church. I mean honestly... does it matter where i go to church at? NO! They should be glad that I am even going to church.
I love Jesus... and Jesus loves me. And my relationship with God was being hurt at central... because i wasn't worshiping him... I was too busy being worried. I feel so free at Mayfair. I feel so close to God.
Jane
Prayer Requests
Keep praying for Reggie
Keep praying for Casey and Chris
Pray for my missionary friends in Belgium
Pray for my brother because he just started his job as an EMT
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Guinn v. Church of Christ of Collinsville
I'm so excited to be there! I'm probably going to go down there this weekend, or at least i hope i can. I'm in desperate need of a road trip, and what better place to take a trip to then Harding... right? haha.Today i found out about this lady that sued the church of Christ. How crazy is that?! Guinn v. Church of Christ of Collinsville. I was reading about it... and it amazed me how much the church of Christ still does that.
Today instead of a "word of the day", its going to be a phrase of the day. The phrase of the day is "tough love". Webster's defines "tough love" as "love or affectionate concern expressed in a stern or unsentimental manner (as through discipline) especially to promote responsible behavior ". I'm not sure if I believe in tough love. I look at scripture and i don't really see Jesus being one to promote tough love. In fact, Jesus gave is love pretty freely. He loves us no matter what. The Church of Christ generally believes in this idea of "Tough love". I think that's the reason why they have "dissfellowship". I've decided to "resign my membership" from central. It's not the right place for me. Their tough love didn't work on me... and it wont.
Below is a link about the court case "Guinn v. Church of Christ of Collinsville"... you should look at it.
http://www.oscn.net/applications/oscn/deliverdocument.asp?citeid=10494
--- go there!!
Prayer Requests
Reggie Sherrod is a 6th grader who lives in inner city Huntsville. He just got air-lifted to Saint Jude's in Memphis to start cancer treatment immediately. Please pray for him and his family!!! His mom went with him leaving his two brothers alone in the projects...
--- I personally know this child... and im shocked at what is happening.
Please Pray for my class at calhoun... pray that i will be studious
Pray for my walk with christ
Chris and Casey Allison are good friends of mine. They are leaving for Cambodia in the summer to do mission work for quite some time. Pray that while they are in Huntsville they will expand their knowledge and be prepared for Cambodia.
Jane
Monday, January 15, 2007
If life were a mix tape...
...my mix would be all about the past two years.
Today i drove to the house of the lady that pretty much ruined my church life. It's hard to forget the cruel things people do to you. Even the nicest people can sucker punch you in the gut occasionally. People tell you forgive and forget... but that's easy to say, but so hard to do. I've done some pretty awful things to people, and when its all said and done i really hope they forgive me. The chances of that are pretty slim though. I forgive pretty easily. I don't really hold grudges, and i don't really get mad that often. I don't actually know how to stick up for myself most of the time. That's one thing I'm really trying to work on... sticking up for myself. It's healthy to get mad. I mean, Jesus got mad. I want to get mad... I want to get mad at that lady. I almost got out of the car and walked up to her door, but for some reason i couldn't do it.
I hold back my anger in fear that if i let it out I wont stop being angry. I mean, i see what anger does to people... and i don't want that to happen to me. Not exactly anger, but stubbornness. I've seen multiple relationships end because of stubbornness. Its such a relationship end-er that its even on the divorce papers. The papers don't say "stubbornness"... but isn't that what "irreconcilable differences" means? Not being able to get off your high horse and work something out.
The word of the day is stubborn. Websters defines "stubborn" as " unreasonably or perversely unyielding ". Everyone is a little stubborn. To me, stubborn is just another way to say selfish. I mean, sometimes i think its good to be stubborn. If someone offers drugs to you, i really think you should stubbornly deny them. If someone wants to work things out in a friendship... i really don't think you should be stubborn. I mean, it all depends on the situation. Stubbornness causes people to NOT do things that they fear. Stubbornness will cause you to sit in a car instead of walking towards a door to fix a friendship. I think its time to stop being so stubborn...
... it's time to get out of the car and walk towards the front door.
Jane
Today i drove to the house of the lady that pretty much ruined my church life. It's hard to forget the cruel things people do to you. Even the nicest people can sucker punch you in the gut occasionally. People tell you forgive and forget... but that's easy to say, but so hard to do. I've done some pretty awful things to people, and when its all said and done i really hope they forgive me. The chances of that are pretty slim though. I forgive pretty easily. I don't really hold grudges, and i don't really get mad that often. I don't actually know how to stick up for myself most of the time. That's one thing I'm really trying to work on... sticking up for myself. It's healthy to get mad. I mean, Jesus got mad. I want to get mad... I want to get mad at that lady. I almost got out of the car and walked up to her door, but for some reason i couldn't do it.
I hold back my anger in fear that if i let it out I wont stop being angry. I mean, i see what anger does to people... and i don't want that to happen to me. Not exactly anger, but stubbornness. I've seen multiple relationships end because of stubbornness. Its such a relationship end-er that its even on the divorce papers. The papers don't say "stubbornness"... but isn't that what "irreconcilable differences" means? Not being able to get off your high horse and work something out.
The word of the day is stubborn. Websters defines "stubborn" as " unreasonably or perversely unyielding ". Everyone is a little stubborn. To me, stubborn is just another way to say selfish. I mean, sometimes i think its good to be stubborn. If someone offers drugs to you, i really think you should stubbornly deny them. If someone wants to work things out in a friendship... i really don't think you should be stubborn. I mean, it all depends on the situation. Stubbornness causes people to NOT do things that they fear. Stubbornness will cause you to sit in a car instead of walking towards a door to fix a friendship. I think its time to stop being so stubborn...
... it's time to get out of the car and walk towards the front door.
Jane
Friday, January 12, 2007
Weekends are fun
So today was a pretty interesting day. I couldnt really sleep last night, so i was tired all day today. I was late to school, but it wasnt a big deal. And i figured out what my problem is with worshiping friends today. After two years... i finally get it. Its nice to have closure.
The word of the day is "Closure". Webster's defines "closure" as "an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality. " Closure happens a lot in life. After a bad fight with your parents all night long, you finally agree and have "Closure". Closure is hugging it out... or talking it out. Closure is a feeling of freedom. Closure makes you feel like weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. When you experience closure... you cant describe how much better you feel. Closure often happens in relationships, wether they be with friends or significant others. That sense of "I dont need them anymore, and its over." It happens when you realize your mistake. After a year and a half of trying to pin point my problem with my friend... i finally got it today. I realized what i was doing. As i was driving and i realized this problem... i had a feeling of closure. This closure will make me stronger. Closure allows you to move on with life...
...I'm so ready to move on with me life.
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Prayer Requests:
A jr. high girl at my old church is struggling in her faith.
Leslie Hanson is signing her army contract soon. Pray for her future.
Pray for me as i experience a new church.
Pray for all those seniors planning for college.
My sister got her wisdom teeth out... its really painful. Pray that she will be comfortable soon.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jane
The word of the day is "Closure". Webster's defines "closure" as "an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality. " Closure happens a lot in life. After a bad fight with your parents all night long, you finally agree and have "Closure". Closure is hugging it out... or talking it out. Closure is a feeling of freedom. Closure makes you feel like weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. When you experience closure... you cant describe how much better you feel. Closure often happens in relationships, wether they be with friends or significant others. That sense of "I dont need them anymore, and its over." It happens when you realize your mistake. After a year and a half of trying to pin point my problem with my friend... i finally got it today. I realized what i was doing. As i was driving and i realized this problem... i had a feeling of closure. This closure will make me stronger. Closure allows you to move on with life...
...I'm so ready to move on with me life.
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Prayer Requests:
A jr. high girl at my old church is struggling in her faith.
Leslie Hanson is signing her army contract soon. Pray for her future.
Pray for me as i experience a new church.
Pray for all those seniors planning for college.
My sister got her wisdom teeth out... its really painful. Pray that she will be comfortable soon.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jane
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
New Start
For the past five years i have never kept up with a blog. This is one part of my New Years resolution. I need a place to let it all out. "Trust"... trust is an odd word. This past year i learned all about the word trust. I learned to trust no one. I know, that sounds awful. It's so true though. Thats my problem... I put all my trust in the wrong people. For some reason i have always felt like i need to open up to people more.. and that if i stayed quite about my problems than it would be wrong and bad. I was so stupid. I need to learn to how to keep to myself about things. So on that note... the word for the day is Reserved.
Reserved... guys like it, girls try to be it, reminds me of a librarian or that quiet girl in the back of the class. Websters dictionary describes "Reserved" as to hold in, or to keep back. It even says to hold back until the right time. My goal for this month is to be reserved about certain things in my life. I want to be a mystery to people. I mean, everyone knows me... and when i say they know me... they KNOW me. I hate being predictable. So for this month i am going to be reserved.
Postsecret.com is one of the most eye opening web sites i have ever seen. It has changed my outlook on a lot of thing. I mean, the whole idea of people sending their deepest darkest secrets on a post card to some random guy that will put them online is crazy. I'm working on my post card right now. What is it? I can't tell you... its a secret.
I'm not ready to leave home just yet. This is my last semester of high school... crazy huh?! I know that i am going to have to leave home soon, and i really am going to miss my family. My mom is an amazing mom, and i really am going to miss those little things that she does for me. My sister is my absolute best friend and i am really going to miss her too. I'm not too good at losing people... i dont know how im going to handle this leaving buisness.
I have decided that I am going to go on a mission trip this summer. I dont know who i am going with, or when, or ever where... but i feel like becauase i didnt go to China... I need to go on one. Mayfair is going to Baja and to City of Children. I might really like that. I really want to go to some where in Europe... maybe Belgium? Who knows...
For Now,
Jane
Reserved... guys like it, girls try to be it, reminds me of a librarian or that quiet girl in the back of the class. Websters dictionary describes "Reserved" as to hold in, or to keep back. It even says to hold back until the right time. My goal for this month is to be reserved about certain things in my life. I want to be a mystery to people. I mean, everyone knows me... and when i say they know me... they KNOW me. I hate being predictable. So for this month i am going to be reserved.
Postsecret.com is one of the most eye opening web sites i have ever seen. It has changed my outlook on a lot of thing. I mean, the whole idea of people sending their deepest darkest secrets on a post card to some random guy that will put them online is crazy. I'm working on my post card right now. What is it? I can't tell you... its a secret.
I'm not ready to leave home just yet. This is my last semester of high school... crazy huh?! I know that i am going to have to leave home soon, and i really am going to miss my family. My mom is an amazing mom, and i really am going to miss those little things that she does for me. My sister is my absolute best friend and i am really going to miss her too. I'm not too good at losing people... i dont know how im going to handle this leaving buisness.
I have decided that I am going to go on a mission trip this summer. I dont know who i am going with, or when, or ever where... but i feel like becauase i didnt go to China... I need to go on one. Mayfair is going to Baja and to City of Children. I might really like that. I really want to go to some where in Europe... maybe Belgium? Who knows...
For Now,
Jane
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